Pulling Away, Failure & Desire

by Kaiulani Kimbrell

Lately, in reading some of the writings of Napoleon Hill (the old timer, uber famous motivational speaker), I have been struck by his simplicity of addressing desire.

I had a lot of desire growing up. I was obsessed and consumed with dancing and acting. I used to lie in my bed staring at the pastel, horizontal poster of pointe shoes taped to my wall. When most girls were getting tingling feelings about boys, I could imagine nothing else but being on pointe. It had all my focus and attention.
I trained profusely, resented school for keeping me from my art and felt driven to be on Broadway by the time I was 18. Being the best in ballet or as an actress was an obsession.

In childhood and early teen years, most of us have a strong desire or dream, a point of focus. Maybe yours was music, or being an athlete or pilot…
But a lot of these desires don’t manifest. So what happens?? Why don’t we become the rock star or the famous actress or the NFL football player?

I think some of us simply grow out of our desires, which is a natural process. And Napoleon Hill addresses that unhealthy desires towards self or others will always fall away eventually. Many of my desires were not life giving, but depleting, so it makes sense to me that after a while they were unsustainable to manage and had to be let go of, or else I would not stay alive very long.
But what about the healthy desires that don’t come to term? What happens there?

Here’s what I’m learning and observing. Healthy people learn that failure is a normal and important part of life. Not a sign to stop, but a part of the process of the journey. Those of us not taught a healthy model of failure take it so personally that we begin to pull away at the first signs, or we may overextend and push, till we are lost in an exhausting tirade of our own self will and control.

For those who have met failure, and not carried on, the mistake is in pulling away. The mistake is in believing and assuming you are off track because things aren’t going quite as planned. Or making the failure bigger then in fact it is. Not being rightsized amidst the failure. Hill, says DO NOT PULL AWAY. This can take the subtle forms of doubt, aversion, boredom, apathy, resentment. These are all ego’s way of blocking our creativity- blocking who we really are.  Our job is to keep focusing on the desire. Again, if it is an unhealthy desire it will fall away.  You don’t have to pull away.

Obsession and focus were never difficult for me in my pursuits, but failure was. I began doubting myself, backing away, second guessing. I personalized failure. I also over personalized success.  And thus I began the ongoing and exhausting dance of pushing and pulling away. Making too big of plans, and too big of escape routes. Life can get very busy with this drama, and that is not much of a life at all.

So lesson for me. Failure is ok. Make it a friend. Expect it. Plan for it. Even embrace it. Don’t dwell in it. Say hello to it and move on.

Also, it’s worth the time to make life a laboratory to explore what you want and to take the moments to recalibrate, redefine, and investigate the defining purpose for your self and what you’re committed towards working towards. I do a lot of prayer & meditation with this. It’s not possible to be all things to all people, so it’s my job and privilege to courageously take the journey into who I am, down the path of me.

Starting Stewpot films two weeks ago is a part of that for me. Making and supporting work that encourages, nourishes and enlightens. Being in deep, loving, nourishing, stimulating and exciting, positive, creative relationships with the people I love and am loved by.

So the goal is to not pull away when there is a sense of rejection or failure. But to take the personal initiative to keep walking towards that, which is, what you really want. Because I believe that the what of what we want in life is a call coming from our Highest Mind or Self. And thus listening, following and responsibly taking action towards that call, which is yours and yours alone, is the most noble and exciting journey & path that any of us could ever take.

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