Slipping Through The Cracks
by Kaiulani Kimbrell
Yesterday my friend Bob Goff posted this beautiful line on twitter, “I used to think that real love involved falling for someone; but now I think it usually involves standing for someone.”
I love this, and it made me ask, “Whom am I standing for?” And “Who are the people standing for me in my life?”
Who are you standing for? Who stands for you?
In my curiosity of the Bible and its teachings, I was recently reminded that Jesus had 12 disciples. That’s it. He had intimacy with really only 12 people. He loved and connected with all he encountered, but at the end of the day, he stood for 12. There is a whole world out there and in our human, finite form it’s not possibly to have deep relational experiences with every person on a daily basis. Thus, many of us fall through the cracks and end up in the troubles of our isolated minds or sick thinking.
From my basic understandings, Jesus devoted his life to those 12 disciples because he too was only human. But even here, amongst his 12, one fell through the cracks. Judas betrayed Jesus for 30 pieces of silver and later committed suicide. Sound familiar for today’s world too, right? A betrayal, a loss of hope, a death. Here Judas, was one of the 12 men to walk with the Son of God, (that’s huge!) and he got lost in the cracks. If he could get lost, then what about the rest of us- any of us can.
How many of us are getting lost in the cracks now, or have at some point? Falling through the arms of community into the confines of our TV’s, isolation, or unhealthy people / relationships, some form of hopelessness or lethargy, or such a busy life you’re not present at home? It is so easy to get lost, to fall through. I don’t know about you, but I have so many fiends, so much family, such a busy life, I can hardly keep up with everyone all the time- at least not on a deeply intimate level. I love all those I encounter, but that is different then spending quality time with them; building something with them. And yet this is what we need right? Quality time with a few special people, daily, true relationship. Not just the quick chit chat or “how’s it going?” We are a human race hungry for acceptance, hungry for connection and relationship, hungry for fellowship that breaks the surface and meets the heart.
I remember living in New York being surrounded by thousands of people at any given moment, being brushed by skin to skin on the sidewalks, and I never felt so lonely. We were distant. 
I have fallen through the cracks a few times in my life, but I have always been blessed by the willingness to ask for help and the good fortune of being met with the help and generous arms of others who, as Bob said, stood for me. These people have saved my life on more than one occasion. Having someone stand for you is the most powerful medicine. I think it is the highest calling of every great lawyer or parent and true friend, to stand for another. It fills the heart and soul with an unspeakable value. It is a healing balm that we each deserve. And I’ll tell you right now, it was has almost always been people I didn’t know well, or would never have expected, that have given of themselves to stand for me. It may just be the Plummer who ends up being your grace. You never know. I’ve learned to keep my mind open.
I know we each have doubt. We each have tendencies towards isolation and loneliness, and the capacity to not act in our best interests. If you’re slipping through the cracks and you can see it, ASK FOR HELP. It’s uncomfortable, but it will save your life. And if you don’t get a response, ask someone else. Remember Judas, a regular guy just like us, somehow slipped through and he had Jesus as a buddy. We are all susceptible. A casual interaction with those we love is not enough. We need each other. We need to be stood for by and with each other.
I think it’s dangerous when we assume that those we care about are all right. I am learning to truly inquire into their lives. ASK what I can do for them. Just asking in itself can be healing. They’re worth it. You’re worth it. I’m worth it. We’re worth it. Seek out those who can and will love you for all that you are and ALL THAT YOU ARE BECOMING.
I am reminded daily how self-sufficient I am. But the greatest gift I allow myself is when I let others into the process of my living. Even in a recent move of homes, allowing people to stand for me, help me, is so uncomfortable. My default is to take care of it by myself, stand-alone and not bother anyone. But when I allow the discomfort of being stood for, I allow love in and then all sorts of miraculous things happen, first and foremost being a healing of the heart and acceptance of my own lovability and worth, just for being me. Not because I did or accomplished anything, but just because I am, and that is enough.
And isn’t that what we are looking for, really? Acceptance? Knowing truly that we are great and enough in the eyes of our fellows? Life is relational and I believe true happiness comes from a deep and true interdependence with another. When it comes to life, Love Does. And part of “doing love” is also allowing it to be done to and for you too.
Much Love and endless thanks to those who stand for me. May I do the same.
Kai,
I am so getting lost in all the linking…so I am assuming this was written from your pen? Did you shoot the photos too? Nice job on the whole of it. I so totally relate. It was as if this was sculpted just for me. So thanks, Kailani, for the heart posting of it.
(/:-) terry